Our lives change when we realize the world we live in reflects to us a mirror. Where our mind is we are. Developing skills to discern what that reflection means to us; a good feeling, resistant feeling, fear, or shock we begin by asking ourselves; What is this feeling (it's a signal)? Where do I feel it in my body (location)? Depending on your internal response (communication) you may get a very subtle answer. An answer may come to us in a magazine, listening to the radio or a song, waiting in the grocery line. When we address the question the answer will arrive in some way, shape or form.
For example: My dear girlfriend of many years sent me an email stating that she was going to her son's funeral this weekend. Shocked by disbelief when I read her email I called her immediately. She was unable to discuss it as she was in shock and recovering from two recent surgeries. Ben was her only son and a beautiful boy who had grown into a wonderful young man. A faithful husband and endearing father. Lee was only 44 when his heart stopped. You see, I had lost both of my parents but not my child. I did not know how she felt, yet I could sense her loss and wanted to say something profound;" I am so sorry for your loss" was the best I could do and I just listened to her weep. As I explored the feeling of loss and shock for myself, I sensed the heaviness in my heart. I realized that I only saw Lee as a child, remembering when first I had met him and his sweet spirit, smiling innocent face and his blue striped shirt. I reflected on good times in the past and how I could support my dear friend who is grieving deeply in the present. I imagined wrapping my arms gently around her as she traveled to see her son one last time as if I were on the plane with her. I am fortunate to have such a friend, so raw in feeling and blank in mind knowing a part of her left with her son. I am still discovering nuances of death, grieving and friendship. Noticing what I notice and dealing with feelings as they arise is the best I can do. In reflection, the answer for me, grieving is all about love and kindness.